Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
nothing like smoking out of your roommate's bong with your mom to celebrate the rising of christ
he is risen halelujah
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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