im gay
i know
yea but for you.
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
I told my dad that bagels were the equilelent of angels kisses and if he bought me one i would do a split
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
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