I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
