i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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