i have a reoccuring irrational fear i'm going to walk in on my dad masterbating. Night.
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
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