I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
