I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I think I freaked him out last night. We got back to my place and I made chicken nuggets, chicken Alfredo, and half of one of those huge oreida hashbrown bags. And then ate all of it
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
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