you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
The moment I was petting the giraffe was the moment I passed out
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
Randomize
