all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I just squirted in your honor. It's like pouring one out for the beautiful sex partnership that could have been
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
