Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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