i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
There was a comma in between her and dick. I was calling you a dick. Jesus.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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