I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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