I cockslap morals
...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
I'm pretty sure the girl in the stall next to me is waiting on me to leave so she can poop but I'm doing the same thing so it's like a Mexican standoff
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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