We're facebook friends in real life
During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
you know what sucks? talking to chicks you dont want to have sex with
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
The one time my sister did shrooms she thought she was thumbalina. I can't live my life that way
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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