it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Randomize
