dude your cousin who was wearing the skirt wasn't wearing any underwear
gross she's a slut
yea she doesn't shave either
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
she just announce I'm david copper field and tried to shove a napkin down my throat
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
I just got winded making my bed. How do you think the workout plan is going?
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
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