Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
She actually asked me 'is it in yet?' I deleted the vid.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Do you remember coming over and asking for toast and then singing that yeah toast song very loudly while you were dropping my bread all over my kitchen?
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
