i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
you never know, standards drop, they turn gay, shit happens.
my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Randomize
