yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Just transferred the sun chips from that obnoxious Eco-friendly bag into a zip lock. Fuck the environment, that bag is loud.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I blacked in at 6:30am on the last stop on the train with a random fedora on? And I'm pretty sure I rode in a limo last night while eating pizza
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
Randomize
