i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
