is there an easy way to say "i didnt plan on sleeping with you until i saw how drunk you were" ?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
I DON'T CARE LET'S GET DRUNK AND GO. I STRAIGHTENED MY HAIR DO THIS FOR ME.
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
I can already see the regret in her eyes. Amazing night. This city rules.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
