Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
