Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Pregnant stripper...not hot.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
