she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
