Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
yeah you're probably right.. i should stop equating love with getting naked on a webcam for him.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Randomize
