rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
The best of us have puked in our office garbage cans. I just hope yours wasn't the metal mesh kind...and bagless like mine. Rock n roll office manager.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
Randomize
