At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I just walked in on my roommate beating off with no pants on, an unbuttoned hawaiian shirt and a cowboy hat, and he weights 300 pounds
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
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