Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Just found out that my name comes from part of my mom's old stripper name.
Dicks are not precious.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
