i love accidental penises.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
I just watch that 70s show all day and blaze whenever they do. It's nice being part of the circle
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
I just bought a handle of tequila and a breakfast burrito. I might be out of money for the weekend, but at least I have the necessities covered.
Randomize
