You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
