If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
the bottle said: caution extremely flammable. so that was my motivation.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
This guy is like Don Jon! Im over here this weekend and at least four times I've heard porn on his phone thru the bathroom door.
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
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