The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
To the person who left a cup of vomit in the bathroom: I commend you for your aim but you are dead to me- not an ideal birthday present.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I am pretty sure they consider me one of the "bros". They compliment girl's racks to me and are the human forms of dick-be-gone. They won't sleep with me more than once cause it's "weird", or let any "untrustworthy boys" sleep with me and I still help them get laid. Not...fair...
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
