shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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