very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
