so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
as a side note pls kill me
I'm a shining star this evening. Dancing with a cane in rite aid now. I should be kept under survaillance.
Randomize
