her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
