I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
At a bar across from the city police station. I PROMISE I will do something great.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
