how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
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