I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
My dick hurts from so many people grabbing it last night. We're not going back to that club
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
Randomize
