My sis friend said it was fake then described it as "scary"...greatest adj ever applied to my dick
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
Um, yeah. You lit my birthday candles with a joint. Mom= not happy.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Sitting on my couch watching TV in my underwear drinking a bottle of wine.... and you want to interrupt me to come pick you up. No I will not do it.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
Randomize
