Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
Randomize
