I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
