I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
I found out why we traded puke covered dresses in the bathroom.
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
I drank beer out of some sort of animal horn all night, then we fucked to a "viking metal" album. I feel like I should go pillage something to complete the Norse trifecta.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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