im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
