How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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