What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
Randomize
