at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
Fuck you, jack daniels. I feel like satan laid an egg in my brain.
If you spent as much time trying to get laid as you do masturbating you would surpass all of us.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
