I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
i think my love is proven by the fact that i still want to have sex with you after this conversation
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Randomize
