Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Have your arms or hands ever gone numb after drinking too much?
Wtf did you do last night?
I don't know where I am and I feel like a hippo shat in my mouth. This sofa is comfy though.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
She just won 2 Grammys at 17 and were sitting here hotboxing our half bathroom
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Randomize
