can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
can we get together and have a vodka water gun fight? i need to get som intense excersise/alcohol
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
