My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
THERE ARE LEGITLY 4 SEPARATE BITE MARKS ON MY DICK. WHAT. THE. FUCK.
Legitimately*
Go fuck yourself
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
