Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
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