'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
That reminds me...we need to get swords
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I think I just snorted head and shoulders by mistake.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
He started out in my roommates bed and by the end of the night was in mine, not sure how that went down. But he left happy in the morning.
Randomize
