If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
