Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize
