I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
This will never work out with him unless I somehow learn how to unhinge my jaw like a python.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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